What Every Black Mother Has to Teach Her Daughter

I’ve always said that I don’t want to be my daughter’s friend. She’s an adult now, and nothing’s changed.

me_and_erica– We’re never EVER gonna be club pals. Hellllllll nawwwwwwwwwww!
– She’s not gonna be able to be around me cussing up a storm.
– We won’t get matching tattoos.
– Yes and No Ma’am will never become an outdated way of replying to my questions.
– I’m not going to hit her up for money when I blow through mine, or expect her to cover me on my bills.
– We will not date out of the same pool of guys.
– She can’t ever hurt my feelings, and make me turn my back on her.
– No one will enter a room and catch us in a fist-fight.
– She’s not going to be the one I call up when I need to vent about getting my heart broken.
– We won’t enter a pact to get pregnant or give birth at the same time.

I love my baby girl. I’ve loved this child since all I knew about her was how sharp her elbows were because she had positioned herself in my belly in a way that projected those suckers into my rib cage. And because I love this child DEEPLY in a way that can never ever end, I will walk the walk and talk the talk and be someone she can always be proud of.

But I failed when it came to teaching my daughter to love her natural hair. 

I admit it. I didn’t love my natural hair, and that’s what I passed down to her.

Of course, I’ve grown alot since my baby girl was a small child, so I’ve been able to influence her to go natural and be comfortable with the hair (and body) that she has. We’re in the middle of a long and bumpy road, but I will never stop giving her natural hair advice. She’s been natural for 2+ years, but she still ¬†rarely wears her natural hair out in public.

Erica sporting her Afro

However, she knows how to take care of her coarse, natural hair.

And when she wears it out, she wears it boldly in a big, beautiful Afro or Afro Puffs and takes lots of pics.

[Believe me. This is major growth!]

But since I’ve been going through this learning process with my baby girl, I thought I’d just pin some of the lessons that I’ve been able to teach her that have been really crucial to her becoming the person she is.

– How beautiful she is inside and out.
– Why honesty is a MUST in any good relationship.
– All the reasons she is SO love-able.
– How to keep things that hurt her from destroying her.
– Why family is so important.
– How important it is to trust her inner voice.
– How to stand on her own two feet.
– Who to turn to when it seems like there’s no one in her corner. (GOD)
– How important it is to know when to stay and when to go.
– Everyone is not going to like her; no matter how nice/smart/beautiful/caring she is.
– It’s OK to fall down as long as she loves herself enough to get up and keep it moving.
– Why she shouldn’t waste energy on trying to make everyone happy.

My Momma did it for me. She RAISED me, and never stopped. Sometimes, I was a real spoiled brat, but she never did anything to tear me down. She RAISED ME. So now when I think of her I don’t have a bunch of silliness clouding the vision of who she was.


I know it’s an old school concept, but it’s one I’ve grown to love. Be a Mother to your daughter, so when she needs the experience, wisdom, and love you have to give, she will always know where to turn.

And know that little girls are ALWAYS watching their mothers. And even if your daughter tries not to – kicks and screams in resistance – she’s going to be ALOT like her mother. So, be the best YOU you can be.